299+ Most Funny Quotes About Life in English 2023

Latest Funny Quotes About Life - Read Best Very Short Funny Quotes About Life, Funny Quotes About Self, Positive Life Quotes, Funny Quotes About Life Lessons, Funniest Quotes Ever, Funny Quotes About Self, Funny Motivational Quotes, Funny Thoughts And Jokes, Funny Thoughts And Jokes Facebook And Share it On Facebook, WhatsApp And Instagram.

#1 - Top 10 Funny Quotes About Life

Life is not a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk.

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Hey, are you a software update? Because not now.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

Life is like an onion; you peel off a layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

#2 - Very Short Funny Quotes About Life

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.

Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.

So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

Life is a one-time offer, use it well.

#3 - Funny Quotes About Self

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

With great power comes great electricity bill.

I am only human, although I regret it.

I am not special, I'm just a limited edition.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

#4 - Positive Life Quotes

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

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Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

#5 - Funny Quotes About Life Lessons

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head, I'm quite busy.

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The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.

I’ve come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

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Hope for the best, expect the worst. Life is a play, we're unrehearsed.

#6 - Funniest Quotes Ever

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.

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You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.

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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Live your life. Take chances. Be crazy. Don't wait. Because right now is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll be ever again.

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I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

#7 - Funny Quotes About Self

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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A diamond is simply a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

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Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone laughing on the way to a bank.

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Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

#8 - Funny Motivational Quotes

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

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Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

#9 - Funny Thoughts And Jokes

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

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A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

#10 - Funny Thoughts And Jokes Facebook

I hate women because they always know where things are.

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I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

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When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Be happy, it drives people crazy.

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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

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